Broadcast Heavies Declare Tournament A Bust!

What left sports fans reeling in despair, has also left the broadcast network for the World's Great Tournament in March exasperated! Broadcast director for the tournament, Louisana Louie, declared that the weekend upsets mean certain victory for rival networks. "Nobody in their right mind will give a pelican's beak if the Curling Olympians beat the Hanger ons, or if those PhD nutjobs out-score the Librarians!", exclaimed Mr. Louie during an outrageous press conference shortly after the conclusion of the Sunday games.

Sadly, Mr. Louie may be right. In a viewer poll released by MediaWeek this morning, it is clear that The World's Greatest Tournament in March faces a great uphill battle to retain its audience for the final games. In fact, the most condemning bit of data that surfaced in the survey was the fact that respondents would rather watch anything but these final games - including show's like "Knitting with Gramma Kay" and "Musty Joe's Tales of Tobasco"; two shows that have failed to draw more than 12 viewers in their short run on Public Access.

"Welllll, you see now, people do wanna watch good ol' Gramma Kay." Said her dear friend Melinda Sunflower. "She's making a nice sweater for her granddaughter on this week's show, too"

Mr. Louie who had just read the news exploded with venom in a brief interview this morning, "Musty Joe doesn't even like hot foods! I've watched that show! He takes a bite... his eyes fill with water, his body shakes, his skin turns red and then green, and he concludes with either passing out cold, or crying to his momma! He's a moron, egads!"

Egads is right! Will you continue to pay attention?

And then there was 4

It was a massacre of the tournament favorites, for sure, over the past weekend. So much to review, but so disappointing for now. So please forgive me for my very brisk posting this morning. Let's just say.... The matches: unbelievable. The upsets: incredibile. Dreams: dashed. Losers: gutted. Winners: Elated. Here's the list of the final four: Curling Olympians (who brushed aside the Chucky Cheese Employees), Hanger Ons (who upset and then "friended" the Comic Con Attendees on Facebook), Those with a PhD in Taxidermy (who pickled the French DJs with Big Thumbs), and Naughty Librarians (who got their dewy decimal on over Godzilla's Babies).

The Madness Continues!!!

Good day everyone! Below, you'll find the latest news on each of the exciting matches being played today - feel free to click on each to read the copy better (if you dare)!

By the way... my predictions: Taxidermy stuffs the Garbage Collectors. The French DJs make it thru by the skin of their thumby-thumb-thumbs. Godzilla's Babies get their Lincoln on, and crush Civil War Re-enactors like Grant took Richmond. And finally, the match between the two biggest scoundrels in the tournament, it's too close to call (sorry!)

A full report for all of the Thursday and Friday matches will be posted tomorrow!! Stay tuned! Big news guaranteed!

Eechee Momma! Thursday and Friday = Madness!!!

The tournament comes back with a vengence tomorrow, and I'm wiggin' out about it!! Big Games! Big Stakes! And Big Competitors! It doesn't get more exciting than this! Let's take a look:

Big Match 1: Naked Samurais vs. Chucky Cheese Employees


There is no better match-up in the 3rd round than the Naked Samurais vs. the Chucky Cheese Employees. One might think that the Samurais have the advantage because they are buck-naked and... well... they are buck-naked doing Samurai moves. Freaky stuff, and extremely upsetting when they are lunging forward or squatting.

But you'd be a fool to overlook the Chucky Cheese Employees... who knocked out the Super Cute Yorkie Owners, in an upset that was unexpected by all of the sporting world. Lars Borkbok, of the Finnish Yorkie Times, declared "The Chucky Cheese Employees are horrible cheats, and giant nob-heads." Not very nice, but it sums up the hatred CCE are fostering because they are beating the odds and taking this tournament on their own terms.

Winner, if I had to pick: Chucky Cheese Employees... by a slight margin.

Big Match 2: Curling Olympians vs. Australian Rugby Players

It's probably curtains for the Curling Olympians... despite putting the Girls Scouts out to pasture a few days ago.

You see, the biggest problem that the Curling Olympians face... is that their secret weapon: their trademark coolfizzle pants... are nolonger a tournament shocker. So what stopped the poor little girls in Troop A, shouldn't even make an impression on Nils Dundee and his Australian Rugby team. In fact, given that each player on ARP has suffered an average of 3-concussions-a-year for the past 5 years, it is likely that the coolfizzle pants could create a case of mistake identy for the Curling Olympians (see photo above).

Winner, if I had to pick: Australian Rugby Players. A blow out, for sure.

Big Match 3: Sultans of Swing vs. Comic Con Attendees

Let's not waste anytime with this... Winner, if I had to pick: It's Hammer Time! No doubt about it... Comic Con Attendees are here to stay. Sorry to be so forward on this analysis... but ka-pow! zzzzazzzamm! those poor merry Sultans are in trouble!


Big Match 4: Hanger Ons vs. Cereal Box Designers Ok... so I took some time out yesterday to meet with the Cereal Box Designers's less than charismatic team captain, Adam Tuckmudder. I figured he'd have a few insightful comments to offer on the upcoming match against the Hanger Ons... the tournament's true "wonder story." The problem... it turns out Mr. Tuckmudder is about as exciting as reading the ingredients to a box of Grape Nuts. Here's some hightlights:

Mr. Tuckmudder fell in love with cereal boxes when in college.

Mr. Tuckmudder feels that the whole grain option for Honey Bunches of Oats was just too fancy.

Mr. Tuckmudder likes to eat cereal with and without milk.

So you see... he's a pretty dull dude. In terms of the tournament, his only comment was that he feels the Hanger Ons are just a bunch of annoying wannabees, who will probably want to be his friend after the match.

So... I had to ask him... "what if they do?" To which he replied... "hmm... I hadn't thought of that." Ugh... par for the course, when talking to Tuckmudder.

Winner, if I had to pick: Hanger Ons, please!!

Ok... so tomorrow, I'll update with the other teams! Hang tight! Have a good night!!

Let's talk UPSETS from Day 1

There's very little enjoyment at Ferby Macintosh's house this morning. When he left his home last Friday for The World's Great Tournament in March, his hopes were high. "I remember him saying to everyone... We're gonna win this whole thing. Just as sure as the Moon is bigger than the sun," said a distressed Avacado Macintoch, mother of Ferby and spiritual matron of The Guys who Play Bongos at Parties. "Now what am I going to say to him?"
These are sad times indeed, with Bongos playing dudes beating their last drum against the The Book Smart Garbage Collectors. "Hey, man... good times just came to an end. It kind of blew my mind," said Ferby. "This tournament, my team, and my bongos are my passion. For real."

Final score: The Book Smart Garbage Collectors 70, Guys that play bongos at Partires 67.

In other tournament upsets: World Champion Whistlers sent shockwaves thru the sports world with their melodic victory over The Leprechaun Imposters; on St. Patty's Day none-the-less. Shaun O'Guiness, who's real name is Ruskoff Borismennevski, played the central villian in the demise of the Irish team, from the Bartlebee, Nebraska. "Bon-NO Thanks" read the signs as they left their hotel this morning.

Final score: World Champion Whistlers 79, The Leprechaun Imposters 68.

Stay tuned for more news!!

Dreams are dashed on Day 1!

They say tournaments can bring a grown man to tears. A humbling statement, and one that Dan Dobbles and his balloonatics know all too well tonight, as they were dumped from the tournament by the amp'ed up on provolone & mountain dew Chucky Cheese Employees.

Final score: Balloon Artists 64, Chucky Cheese Employees 68.

Elsewhere, the notoriously vicious Super Cute Yorkie Owners crushed the hapless Angry Chefs of Monte Carlo. "Je suis tellement en colere!!!!" declared head chef, Patrice Patrice... just as he missed a nearly-impossible-to-miss basket; bringing his field goal tally to 0-for-42-shots. Oh la misere!

Final score: The Angry Chefs of Monte Carlo 70, Super Cute Yorkie Owners 81

Speaking of upsets, in Group B, The Council on Sudanese Tourism punted a sorry West Ham United Supporters; and the Hanger Ons suprised everyone with their convincing victory over the Needlepoint Assassins. Lory Labinport, of WHUS, declared the loss the worst day in his life since the signing of Iain Dowie... but did state, after the match, "I do plan to visit the Sudan some time very soon." The Needlepoint Assassin's where less gracious following their amazingly poor performance... with manager Mary Farthwop saying, "the Hanger Ons are rubbish, and I am pretty well sure that their goggles and wet suits are against the rules of the tournament."

Final scores:

Needlepoint Assassins 61, Hanger Ons 74.

West Ham United Supporters 55, The Council of Sudanese Tourism 64.

More scores and recaps to follow!! Stay tuned!!

More on the Awesome teams!!

Super Cute Yorkie Owners

"O. M. G!! Isn't Ruffer Noodlenocker sooooo cute in his little vest?"
"Oh yes... and his Yorkie, Booboo, looks absolutely smashing in her matching vest!"
"oooh they are soo adorable!!"

Annoying? You bet. Get ready folks... it's that kind of nonsense that makes the Super Cute Yorkie Owners a force of be reckoned with. Ruffer, who renamed himself to better match Booboo, is a remarkable competitor and deadly to the core. Surrounding the team is their X-factor... a baker's dozen of S.C.Y.O. groupies who coo, fuss, and gush over everything Noodlenocker and company do.
Chances of winning: frighteningly good. Yorkies, their owners and groupies. Scary stuff.
Inside scoop: Only one team has succesfully beaten S.C.Y.O.... the Great Grandest Pirates of Gray's Lake. To quote Pirate captain Pegleg Blueberry, "aye... me needed the grog just to stay on th' court w'd them. drank meself blind 'nd ate one of th'm dogs. maybe two, come to think of it."

Breaking News! Chaos hits tournament favorites: Friends of Ned!!

Friends of Ned

I must report a terrible update on Friends of Ned. An unfortunate comment Ned made about Emma Sweetpea on Monday has created a massive exodus in friends for the 5ft 7 inch dude who likes to wear turtlenecks and high-top kicks. To best bring you up to speed, I put together this handy chart that looks at the developments over the past six days (see below). Btw, you can click on it... and it will then be more readible.

For those of you who picked F.O.N. to go all the way... I wish you the best!

And I want to express my deepest sorrow to Emma Sweetpea! Never feel bad about braces. They're cool!